Relationships are full of ups and downs. It is normal to feel like some days are better than others. When you are not connecting, it is easy to start doubting how the other person is feeling and to begin to question the relationship a little. Having these fleeting thoughts is pretty typical in a relationship and, if you are truly committed to each other, they will quickly leave your mind. However, if your thoughts include: why does my boyfriend not love me or even, does my boyfriend hate me, you may need to examine the health of your relationship. It may be helpful to take a quick mental inventory of the actions or comments that lead you to believe that your boyfriend does not love you and then weigh out the evidence.
There is a significant difference between someone not loving you and someone hating you. If you suspect your boyfriend does not love you and wants to break up then you need to reflect on what is making you feel this way and then discuss it with him directly. If you suspect your boyfriend hates you need to reflect on what is making you think this and then ask yourself if why you would stay in a relationship with someone who treats you this poorly. Hate is a very powerful word and if at any point in the relationship you feel that he is acting toward you with hatred, it would be difficult not to advise you to leave immediately. However, if you feel that your boyfriend is acting unkind or resentful then it may be time to have a serious conversation about what is going on and what can be done to resolve these feelings. The following are some tips for communicating your concerns with your significant other.
Take notice of the specific comments or actions that you perceive as hostile and bring them up later in a calm tone, emphasizing that this behavior hurt your feelings or made you feel unloved.
Is your boyfriend going through a difficult time with school/family/work? If so, you can still discuss how he is hurting your feelings but you can begin by sympathizing with the stress in other areas of his life. This may help to make him less defensive and more open to discussing your relationship.
Remember that there are a few important distinctions that need to be made when you are analyzing the health of your relationship. The difference between your boyfriend not loving you and hating you is significant. Feeling hated is simply never okay. If you are saying hate but mean inconsiderate of your feelings, rude or resentful then it may be time to explain how you feel to your boyfriend and decide what to do.